My Communication Styles

            This week we were asked to think about the similarities and differences between how we evaluated ourselves as communicators and how others evaluated us on the Communication Anxiety Inventory, Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, and the Listening Styles Profile. I asked my husband Steve and one of my employees, Susy to take the assessments to help me learn more about my communication ability.

            All three of us agreed that I keep a good balance between respect and thought for others’ viewpoints, and the capability to argue impartially by tackling the facts of a position rather than the person possessing that position. We also all feel that I am people oriented and am empathetic and affected with the emotions of others. I learned that this listening style may at times hinder my judgment because I tend to be very trusting of others.   

            Susy and I both reported that I feel relaxed communicating in most situations and feel confident in anticipating such meetings. Steve’s evaluation of my communication anxiety however showed that he perceives me to be a bit uncomfortable in some communication situations and somewhat more self-assured in other contexts. I found this interesting because Steve and I have been together for more than thirty years and he can sense when I am uneasy in any situation. In reflection, I would say that I love “center stage” but do experience some anxiety prior to public speaking.

            Earlier this week I found out that my college track coach passed away and it was difficult to breathe for the remainder of the afternoon. Coach McGuire was one of those people who changed the trajectory of so many young lives with his amazing inspiration and ability to lead by example. One of the main reasons I went to college and then completed my degree was out of respect for Coach. He made it clear with his actions how much he truly cared about all of his athletes both on and off the track. The next day I spoke with his daughter and let her know that I would love the opportunity to speak at his memorial. She said that would be great so I have been preparing what I will say. I’m sure there will be over 500 people in attendance and I am a bit anxious because I want to make sure I convey my gratitude to his family and also accurately portray Coach’s legacy. O’Hair and Wiemann (2012) explain that we all use language to express our feelings, but being competent at it necessitates that we do so in an appropriate and effective way. The functional competency of expressing feelings is primarily relational and I want to make sure that I let everyone know how much I cherished Coach with the emotions I express.

References

O'Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: an introduction, Boston, MA: Bedford/St.Martin's

Communicating With People From Different Groups and Cultures

This week I learned several strategies to enhance my intercultural communication. I do find myself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures. For example, I usually speak very rapidly so I try to slow down when communicating with my employees who both speak Spanish as their primary language. We also have families in our preschool from Columbia, France, Russia, and the Philippines. I often ask the families to share their home languages with us so that we can use key words with the children during the day. The families are invited to read to the children during circle time and share their cultures with the class, and we have books and toys in our playroom to represent the various cultures of the children. However, I am learning that there is so much more I can do to improve my intercultural communication skills.

I have learned that to be interculturally competent is to be more than just aware of what is appropriate or simply sensitive to cultural differences (Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond, 2011). To truly be interculturally competent is to behave toward others in ways that are appropriate. However, in order to behave appropriately, we need to have knowledge about cultures that are different from our own and be motivated to adapt or adjust our behavior. Developing appropriate knowledge and actively pursuing information about others helps us to gain understanding of how they communicate. Becoming motivated to appreciate differences and practicing tolerance by avoiding harmful evaluations of others is also important. Thirdly, developing skills in becoming other oriented is critical to the process of becoming a competent intercultural communicator.

I have added to my goals as an educator to master what Milton Bennett calls the Platinum Rule “Do unto others as they themselves would like to be treated” (Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond, 2011). Instead of treating people the way I would like to be treated, I would like to interact with others the way I think they would like to be treated.  

References

Beebe, S.A., Beebe, S.J. & Redmond, M.V. (2011). Interpersonal communication:

Relating to others (6^th ed.) Boston, MA; Allyn & Bacon.

Assumptions Based on Messages Communicated Through Body Language and Facial eExpressions

This week, we were instructed to observe an episode of a television show that we don’t normally watch (with the sound turned off) so we could observe what the characters were feeling and expressing based on their nonverbal behavior. I choose to watch an episode of “How I met Your Mother”. Lilly, one of the main characters was in labor and about to give birth. Her husband, Marshall happened to be in Atlantic City with his friend Barney and had a difficult time getting back to New York for the birth. Lilly’s friends Robin and Ted coached her through the beginning stages of labor and eventually took her to the hospital

Although I had never watched an episode of this show, it was obvious to me that it was a comedy and the actors were exaggerating their roles. I’m sure my personal schema regarding childbirth led to my empathy for Lilly who was obviously in discomfort during contractions. She was holding her belly and her face looked like she was in agony. It was clear that Robin and Ted were extremely nervous and tried to comfort Lilly by massaging and talking to her through contractions.

Once at the hospital, it was obvious that the doctor was telling Ellie to push, but Ellie was scared. I noticed myself hoping that her husband would arrive before the birth. When Marshall finally showed up in the delivery room, Ellie seemed relieved and soon their baby boy was born.

When I watched the show again with sound, I found that the only thing I missed the first time was that Robin believed she had experience with childbirth because of her practice with horses giving birth on the farm she grew up on. Ellie continually reminded Robin that she was not a farm animal and was not comforted at all by her friends “experience”.  Schemas can help us to send and receive messages that are effective and accurate, however sometimes schemas can make us less perceptive communicators (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012).

References

O’Hair, D. & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: an introduction. New York: Bedford/S.Martin’s

Competent Communication

            I have always appreciated my father’s ability to communicate. For over fifty years, I have observed how he calmly, respectfully and effectively converses with everyone he comes in contact with. In reviewing this week’s required reading, I realized that my father has mastered the “art” of becoming a competent communicator. In any given situation, he is able to evaluate and reassess his own communication process (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012). I have never witnessed my father using profanity, micro-aggressions or any other negative means to communicate. I believe what he says and how he says it directly relates to his integrity as a man, husband, father, grandfather and friend.  He obviously engages in the process perspective and considers it better to improve outcomes for both partners in communication than to meet the precise goals of either one (O’Hair and Wiemann, 2012). Mutual satisfaction is almost always the outcome. I feel like he helped write the National Communication Association Credo for Ethical Communication and he models all nine of the perspectives. If it sounds like I have my dad on a pedestal… I do, and I am so grateful for the role model he is for me. I would definitely like my own communication behaviors to be more like my fathers. By gaining a deeper understanding of competent communication and practicing it’s perspectives, my work with children and families will surely be enhanced.